I’ve been back in the ‘real world’ for a few days now. I returned home from a private psychiatric hospital in Cape Town on Friday last week (31/07/09). This is the second time that I’ve been in a psychiatric ward.
Yesterday, in the midst of a gruelling therapy session which provided the most true, authentic and honest mindset for me in a very long time, the last of which was when – once upon a time – I was a beautiful little boy. Unperverted by the world and her smut. Her cruel nature upon which we thrive. Not that one need be protected from the very life which provides us insight and understanding, but more that we do not take a stance that is intollerant of our true beliefs. Our beliefs as the beautiful inner souls we all posses as real people.
When I checked into the clinic for the second time, the world and I were most definately not on speaking terms. And that’s putting it fucking politely to be somewhat frank. And I ended up by going through a long, depressing, sad and – I suppose – beautiful patch of growth, in which the world was constantly trying to win me over again, and – somehow – I suppose I just was’t the forgiving type. I fought the world and its prophets on every single bit of smut it threw at me {in other words life was fucking me up the arse but I insisted that it was me fucking it up the arse, if you know what I mean} with a fierce, unforgiving,reckless kind of vengence in which I refused to understand. To truly accept. To simply live. Why is it that simplicity is so fucking ludicrously, intricately complex?
Who the fuck knows. That is a statement – it’s not rhetorical. But whatever. I suppose that a man’s relationship to his greed is a deeply personal thing. Something that – albeit far too fucking difficult – is quite simply just our own indictement of what is and is not seemingly real.
This article – albeit several fucking hundred words – dear friends, is quite simply a script. A script that entails an actor, a crowd and bundle of joy.
The mind is a strong tool. Use it well my son. And never forget that I’m watching.
Enjoy your sleep, beautiful people. Good night.
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